Website Comments By Church

Arminians: "You focus only on the passages that say 'elect' and 'predestine.' Yes, you have the bulk of the biblical evidence on your side, but we have John 3:16. What are you going to do about that?"

Atheists: "You always point to the bible. You can't prove God exists. Despite the fact that the fossil record supports your claims, you can't be right because you are ignorant and stupid! ARRGGHH!!!"

Catholics: "You have no tradition, being just two years old. Therefore, you must be wrong."

Charismatics: "You need to go as the Spirit leads. Yes, we can't explain everything we do. No, we don't usually interpret tongues, but we have the Spirit!"

Cults: "We really are Christians, and we have our own special books to prove it"

Emergents: "Relax. Feel the authenticity. Don't think. Enjoy. Kumbaya."

Episcopalians: "We stand for unity. All you do is tear people down. We, unlike you at TBNN, stand united around the idea of unity -- and some immorality amongst our bishops."

Fundamentalists: "We read the bible and we believe what it says. Interpretation is a four letter word. We just believe it. And we don't drink, smoke, chew, or go with girls who do. And our women have to wear dresses and doilies on their heads, and look unhappy, too."

Health-Wealthers: "God wants us to be happy and healthy. The bible tells us so, somewhere."

KJV-onlyers: "You at TBNN are sons of the Devil, always quoting from the ESV. Those Alexandrian texts are straight from the pit of Hell. When you attack the KJV, you attack Christ Himself!"

Liberals: "The bible is just a book written a long time ago...this is a boring discussion that we thought was settled by German theologians back in the 1800's. It's just a book."

Osteeners: "Let's all just smile, be happy, and go home to our warm houses - and disregard things like sin, repentance, and propitiation."

PC-USAers: "Our average age is not 83! It's more like 71."

Postmodernists: "What is this 'absolute truth' business you guys are always talking about? Live as you want, and we'll do what's good for us."

Southern Baptists: "Why all the food jokes?"

Found at, Accessed April 1, 2011

© Todd Tyszka
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